All I can say is that I am incredibly proud of him for accomplishing this. I experienced my first sense of pure parental joy for him working hard to reach a goal. He wasn’t gunning for this, but he tries hard to be a good listener and helper at school. This was a total surprise. Like all 5-6 year olds, it’s often challenging for him to make his best choices, but he’s clearly done well.

My general philosophy is to take absolutely nothing for granted when it comes to family and friends. I feel incredible gratitude for having such a loving wife, children, and family. I cherish my family like nothing else in my life. But it’s times like these illuminate just how incredibly valuable children are to the people they touch.  Hug the ones you know tonight. They will forever be grateful for your love.

We were all well enough to head to the Big Island for Thanksgiving. It was almost perfect. It’s such a great place to let them spread their wings a little and have some all-day fun. Perfect weather made for a perfect couple of days. On Sunday night after we had returned I was laying in bed with Jake after lights out. We were just about to doze off when he started to cry. He said, “Dad, I just can’t tell you how much fun I had. I’m crying because I had so much fun.” True story.

click on pic to see photos

We’re new to our neighborhood so we weren’t sure if or where the action would be so we headed to the shopping center, then to a church to meet Jake’s pal River. It was a grand time. Jake was Spiderman and Wes was Woody. They got a good stash, then got to play games and ride a horse and a donkey at the church. Home for bed and all was good.

I wish.

Jake still had his cough and wasn’t feeling well. He’s still having sleeping issues, namely that he cannot sleep in his own bed the whole night. On this night he arrived in our bed just as I turned out the light. He was coughing and kept pushing me further and further toward the edge of the bed, so I decided to play a little reverse psychology and go to his bed to sleep. It worked until he woke and realized I wasn’t there. He came looking for me and started getting upset that he couldn’t find me. I was short on temper and I regret scolding him the way I did because he wasn’t feeling well, but I told him that he was too old to sleep in our bed, our bed is too small etc., etc. His retorts were hilarious. First he said what he always says: our bed is more comfortable. Then he said that his feet get too warm in his bed. Then he said that he could keep his feet cool in our bed. Yup. I, too, have no idea what he was talking about. Apparently we have a “cool feet” bed. Nice.

halloweenies

SOTD: Brendan Benson: Cold Hands Warm Heart

sleeping off the tsunami

SOTD: Los Straitjackets: Tsunami!

I think he had about 10 temper tantrums over the course of 2 days. They were the knock down, drag-out variety. This is all relatively new, so it was a tough weekend. Yes, the stress level was high, particularly when it happened in public, but I generally don’t really care too much what people think. The biggest frustration is knowing that he’s feeling the way he is and that there’s not too much you can do to help him. It makes me feel sad. I know it’s a part of growing up, but it doesn’t make things any easier.

I think the primary reason he’s going through this now is that his inability to tell us what he wants is being surpassed by his desires to get what he wants. He gets incredibly frustrated by it. Will this be something that will inspire him to try harder on the talking front? We don’t know yet, but in the meantime he’s struggling.

It wasn’t all bad news. He regularly pees in the toilet now and on Saturday for the first time (at least with me), he did his double doo business in the toilet as well. He seemed pleased but a bit perplexed as to why I was happy about said poo.

Yesterday I also took them to Kailua for what has become a go-to activity if omma’s doing something else (like running errands): Whole Foods for sushi, then the mondo playground at Aikahi Elementary. They had a blast and Wes got all soaking wet from water fountain play. Smiles all around.

SOTD: James: Born of Frustration

So a couple of weeks ago I started a post and saved it. It’s out-dated now, but I’ll provide an update on the flip side…

Yesterday was Wes’ evaluation by the Easter Seals for possible speech therapy sessions. Ultimately it was inconclusive. They will need to evaluate the results of the test and will let us know soon if he is eligible. As part of the evaluation, they were required to test a range of developmental areas (not just communication). It was a fascinating experience. While one representative interviewed us about everything from how far he can run (I laughed at this one because I think he’ll basically run as far as we let him) to whether he can undress himself (no). The other person was “playing” with him while evaluating his motor skills and other areas such as coordination, etc. It’s rare that you get to talk and think this hard about your child’s development. It was fun, scary, and fascinating. I could see the form the evaluator was using and I saw that he’s a bit above age-level for almost everything…except speaking. He can walk up and down stairs foot over foot, walk a strait line, recognize words, and shows ample affection and happiness. My sense is that they may offer some help with communication, but I’m not sure he really needs it. In the past week or so he’s started to say a few more words here or there. If they offer, we’ll take it. If not, we won’t be upset about it.

Well, they offered. He’s actually a bit behind in both speech and should be at a higher level in another area. Not sure which one as omma talked to the evaluators, but they offered therapy there as well. They said he was only slightly behind in both. So we’ll be meeting with them next week. I’m still not worried. In fact, I welcome the chance to improve his skills in anyway we can.

I’ve said it before, but I’m going to try hard to be more consistent with this blog. Fingers crossed.

You had your yearly checkup this past Saturday. You’re healthy, a bit overweight (99^th percentile), and you don’t have TB. You got two shots and didn’t cry. You’re energetic and inquisitive. You are engaging. You are perfect in every way to omma and I. Your doctor, however, had a concern. I’ve alluded to it before on this blog. I wasn’t all that worried about it then and I’m not now. The doctor suggested—and we agreed—that we should have you tested by a specialist in early childhood development. You still can’t talk.

According to the doctor, you should have 50+ words by now. You can say “thank you,” “Elmo,” “omma” and “appa.” Other than that, your speech is garbled and indecipherable. Even if you are exposed to two languages, by now you should have a solid vocab in one or both by now. Again, we are not worried. You let us know what you want by pointing and bringing us to the thing you are trying to get. You “talk” all the time. When you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is walk around pointing at stuff. You’re telling us stories. They usually start with “Uh-oh!” then you talk very passionately about the thing you’re pointing at. We can see that you are just waiting to burst out with perfect English and/or Korean at any moment.

Unbeknownst to you, there is a lot discussion about health care in this country. Even so, people often take for granted the work non-profits are doing for America. Charitable organizations like Easter Seals do incredible things for people in need, often at no cost to those they seek to assist. I got two calls from Easter Seals yesterday. Both were reassuring and the people seemed to have genuine interest and care in their voices. Easter Seals will be sending people to our house to evaluate you. We welcome them and we welcome the opportunity to learn more about you and your development at this early stage in your life.

I also wanted to say sorry. I am sorry that I haven’t chronicled your early life the way I did for your brother. I have no excuses. Life happens and with two of you it’s harder to commit to computer time every night. We went through a lot of change during your first two years and our condo was small for the number of people living there. These aren’t excuses though and I will try my hardest to continue with this blog. You and your brother are the most important things in my life. I love you. I love omma. Even if I’m not writing about our life together, I’m thinking about it all the time.

A couple of recent things that you’ve done have us smiling and amazed. You no longer sit in a high chair at home. You peed by yourself in your own toilet for the first time on Saturday. You eat with a fork and spoon (sometimes better than your brother, sorry Jake). You sleep in your bed all night, every night. You love music and love to dance and jump. Your smile melts our hearts and when I put you to bed at night you often insist on laying on me to get comfortable. You stopped the bottle almost overnight and you no longer need an iPad or iPhone for entertainment when we eat out. You love books and toys and have been doing a lot of organizing and stacking with your toy pieces. No, we’re not worried. We’re happy and completely amazed at your very existence.

One last thing…you need a haircut.

I love you,

Appa

SOTD: Dax Johnson: Through the Storm

I should preface what I’m about to write by saying that in spite of the horror of flying such long distances, the quality family and friend time was well, well, worth it. Jake will be able remember this and at this point in his long journey it was literally his trip of a lifetime. For omma and I, it was a chance to spend time with many of the people we very rarely get to see.

The long flight times are the downside of living where we do. We flew to Seattle, which, at 5 hours is the shortest flight possible to the continental US. We planned so well. We booked a night flight so the dudes could sleep. We packed fully charged iPads, iPhones and DVD players. We packed books, magazines, milk, snacks, jackets, and a bulky 30-pound car seat so Wes could feel comfortable. Up to the day of our departure Wes was dependent on the bottle and spent way too much time using the electronics. We purposefully held off on taking him off the bottle because of the plane rides for this trip. We also let him use the iPad/iPhone knowing it wasn’t good for him, again with the hope that it would have a calming effect on him while flying.  (I must note that he has not looked at an iPad or iPhone since the day we got back and has stopped the bottle. The former was surprisingly easy, the latter not so much.)

None of this worked.

He screamed before we even boarded. He screamed on the way. He slept a little, then woke up and screamed. It was the same exact scenario for the flight from Seattle to Boston. On the way back we planned day flights, which initially we thought would be bad because he’d be awake and wanting to run and play. After the difficult night flights we welcomed them as he’d be able to use the electronics. No such luck. All our flights back were delayed, which made matters worse. United Airlines (and other major American carriers for that matter) seemed not to care one bit about the delays and for the life of me I will never understand why they board the plane from front to back. As expected, Wes was antsy and could not understand why he had to be forcibly strapped into his chair, but was less fussy than the night flights as the electronics served their purpose for large portions of the very long day. We barely made our flight from Seattle to Honolulu. Truth be told, this final flight was the best because a) both of them slept most of the way and b) the plane was packed with kids.

That last point is key. When traveling with 1-3 year olds, there is basically very little chance they will spend 6 hours strapped in a seat and be happy and content. As a parent, other kids on the plane means there are more people on board that will understand what you are going through with your own kids. The rest of the plane is usually divided between those who are politely trying to deal with an unhappy and boisterous kid and those who are outright pissed off.

I firmly understand the annoyance of a screaming child on a plane. Hundreds of people are forced to sit absurdly close to one another in an uncomfortable environment. It’s not desirable by anyone. The thing that raises my ire—and this is a reflection of personal philosophy about life in general—are the people who make comments regarding either a) the child’s behavior or b) the parents of a screaming child. The vast majority of parents are responsible people who work very hard to ensure that their child is comfortable. A comfortable child is a quiet child. Unfortunately, a plane is the opposite environment for a child to feel comfort. They are forcibly strapped into an inescapable tube that will make them dehydrated and bored. Their ears will likely hurt horribly due to the changes in pressure. An adult who vocally expresses displeasure to a child who has no understanding of this scenario not only confounds me, it saddens me. Again, it’s my personal moral code, but I’d like to think that we are more understanding of one another as humans. In particular, I’d like to think that rational adults who have a deeper understanding of the situation would demonstrate compassion towards children who are not capable of comprehending the scenario, many of whom are experiencing pain or deep emotional distress.

On every flight we tried so hard to make him comfortable, but could not. We apologized to people around us; the majority understood. On every flight, however, we encountered people who could not get over being put out by our child. On every flight there were people who commented negatively to me, omma, or to Wes. Truth be told their annoyance is not what concerns me, it’s what it says about our relationship to one another. Everyone was a 2 year old once and everyone had two year old problems.

Again though, a parent should be responsible enough to be prepared to make their child comfortable. I saw this article and thought (if it’s real) that is was a fabulous idea. It reminded me of a tweet comedian Aziz Ansari made about a year ago:

 If you bring a baby on a plane, you should be required to bring everyone on the flight donuts. #CauseBabiesDontShuttheFuckUpOnFlights

@azizansari about 1 year ago

He’s a comedian, so it was made in jest (I assume). The tweet is essentially what the family in the article did, but the tag and the fact that the jab was at babies, well, angered me. There were other tweets that seemed mean and lacking the context for a comedic tweet:

Hey any way your baby can get on a later flight? I’m trying to sleep on the flight & your baby is gonna fuck that up. #ReasonableAsk

Oh fuck me. A second baby just rolled up on this flight. #ZeroDonuts

I don’t harbor any anger toward Aziz Ansari and I certainly respect his views. I’d never, ever, suggest that any voice should be muted, but I stopped following him after I read these. Adults can defend themselves. Adults can rationalize and compartmentalize. Adults can get the joke. Babies cannot. I’m all for parents helping other passengers understand that they are trying their best. I’d also hope—and I think most people fall into this category—that those who choose to fly would show the maturity and compassion to not reprimand a child who is reacting to its environment in the only way it knows how.

Donut anyone?

SOTD: Sloan: I Understand

Vacay Photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/redjef25/sets/72157631363536990/

Admittedly though, for every melancholy moment these days, there is an equally frustrating one. People always ask me if Jake and Wezmans get along with each other. Actually, they do. Jake is generally loving towards Wez and you can definitely tell that he will be protective and all that. But I think the reason they are so good together is because Wes doesn’t yet care one way or another about Jake and his stuff. He’s oblivious at this point.

Unfortunately, we may have had a glimpse of the future over the past month or so. Jake and his cousin (who is 8, the same age gap as Jake/Wes) could not be away from each other for more than 5 minutes. They did everything together and both were obviously very happy to be with one another, but…holy moly did they bicker and fight. It was constant. Both had to be first at everything (walking to the door, getting a piece of food, changing, etc. etc. etc). The worst was being in the car because there was no way to walk away from it. Of course I tried to reason with Jake by telling him that it simply didn’t matter if his cousin didn’t want to sit next to him. He was still in the car and besides, it’s his choice. Never worked, not once. Finally, the other night Jake was doing the same thing at the dinner table. His cousin had already eaten and was watching TV. Jake was whining about it. I reasoned again and this time he had a surprising answer. I asked why it mattered. He said: “because I like him and I want to be next to him.”

Sometimes they do the teaching and we do the learning.

I feel sorry for Jake now. His cousin left this AM. As per usual, he’ll suppress his feelings during the day. He didn’t cry at the airport, but he’ll have a very hard night tonight.

The Brothers Bicker

SOTD: The Cranberries: Ode to My Family